Everyone has haters. Haters are those who want to see you fail and are champion at introducing doubt in your life. Truth is, they see something in you that they don’t have in themselves. This irritates them and they want EVERYONE to be irritated! Sounds like a narcissist, doesn’t it? We ALL have these traits, so we have to “check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.” Getting a negative opinion of someone always pushes me to examine why I feel that way. I do not want to be THAT person for another!
I know this is going to sound weird, but I’m taking advice from Howard Stern. In his movie, Private Parts, something very interesting happened. The executive researcher started talking about Stern’s listenership, to his Radio Show Producer, who personally didn’t care for Stern. Here’s an excerpt of that dialogue:
RESEARCHER: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for – are you ready for this? – an hour and twenty minutes.
PRODUCER: How can that be?
RESEARCHER: Answer most commonly given? “I want to see what he’ll say next.”
PRODUCER: Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?
RESEARCHER: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.
PRODUCER: But… if they hate him, why do they listen?
RESEARCHER: Most common answer? “I want to see what he’ll say next.”– Scene from the 1997 movie, ‘Private Parts’
I am ultimately writing this blog for DV victims/survivors and their support people. So using the above logic, I am also writing this for the abusers too? That epiphany kinda blew my mind, but I think it’s like this: they are getting discouraged and worried that I am portraying hope and showing a success story AND resources for success. Hope is a very, very powerful thing, especially to a victim of DV! Truth-be-told, I used to worry about my abuser reading this blog. And now? I hope he is reading it. I want him to know that he didn’t kill my spirit and that I survived in spite of his best efforts to squash me. To be honest, he probably isn’t reading it, but is being fed spotty information via his “flying monkeys.” Relationships are too much work for that man…reading my Blog would mean he would have to care, so he will instead slander it with more lies and negative comments. He will probably continue attacking my character, which I am so scarred from I no longer feel. I honestly don’t care what he thinks. If he didn’t want his actions out there, he should’ve acted better!
I have also had some professional backlash too, surprisingly. I have had a few “well-meaning” individuals state that I cannot have a Blog like this because I am not a therapist or a social worker. Um, I don’t present myself that way. I am a DV survivor, so it’s a chronicle, as well a certified domestic violence advocate. I share resources and I describe what worked for me and why. Victims and survivors, this is insulting! These s0-called “professionals” are saying that you all cannot make your own decisions!?! While it’s difficult, at first, once out of DV, you CAN make your own choices! You must! You have to do the next step, then the next one, then the next. If something doesn’t work, back up and take another direction. It is literally trial and error, all in the name of survival! The best support I’ve received is from humbled survivors! Period.
That’s another thing that has presented as “hate:” some fellow DV survivors take on a narcissistic mantle when you don’t follow their advice. Their situation is always “worse” and they are the supreme beings of the topic. Um, no. I respect what you’ve been through, so I’d like you to respect what I also have been through. It’s NOT a contest, folks! And when you dissent, they dis you and block you. What if someone had done that to them in their own healing??? It’s tacky and narcissistic. They really need to re-examine their own lives and behaviors! While I pass no judgement on them and their situation or their choices, I can cut them free from me as it will inhibit MY healing if I do not!
Okay, soapbox rant OVER. My extreme apologies! In conclusion, everyone has haters. My Mom told me that if I have haters, I’m doing something VERY right! She’s spot on! So, for all those haters out there, keep watching and take notes! You’re fans and you didn’t even realize! Moohahahahaha!
Love and light, dearest ones! <3