DID YOU KNOW…? Did you know that people who are in abuse and who survive abuse struggle with their image of the Divine? True story. I know I did, but I know now what I feel to be true, definitely is for me, and that everyone is entitled to their decision and perception.
I used to think that my Abuser was the Devil. I know now that he is and was not, only an adversary. I feel like he was mine and my kids’ “tour guide” to what Hell could be like. After everything we experienced: sloth, infidelity, deceit, assault, attempted murder — just blatant cruelty! This makes me want to be a “good girl” for the rest of my days because I want what Heaven offers. I want to be embraced by God and be with my Mom and relatives for eternity. I could definitely see how people could become bitter. I choose to remain a servant and to help as many as I can before my time on Earth expires. I look for my blessings, although the bad stuff is SO much easier to believe. I think the fallout of abuse: the chronic pain, the overthinking, the trust issues. THOSE are the cobblestones to Hell. They won’t allow us to entirely forget. Hell will always linger a bit, after abuse, but the good always outshines the evil!
I know this to be true: God NEVER left my side and got me through the abuse — for that I am SO thankful and blessed! I also got to see glimpses of Heaven, and still do, even when I was in active abuse. My children were my angels, as was my faithful little Angel pug [dog]. God put the right people in my path, along with the wrong ones. It is up to us to discern what lessons we will learn from the people we encounter. He puts them in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If nothing else, some people serve as a warning to others on how not to be (“poster children” maybe???) I got to see the really horrible, in order to know what was truly good. I wouldn’t want to relive this life or wish it on another, but I will learn from my experiences. If we don’t learn and turn it into a positive, it will drive us mad!
I know at one point, in my life in active abuse, I wondered if God had abandoned me…He didn’t. I also wondered why the “other Laura” died and I didn’t…I still wonder about that one, but I feel as though He is revealing more and more every day. I believe I lived to be a catalyst for change. It’s really all my human brain can fathom…it could’ve so easily been the other way around…
I pray you see glimpses today of what you need! Stay strong! Love and light!