NOTE: Normally, I save Sunday posts for spiritual or inspirational. I think this one qualifies, as we need to love our neighbor more. Understanding, not judgment is what is needed, here, I feel. You know, follow one of those Commandment thingys?
Anne Heche, 53, passed away of brain death after crashing her car into a family home/dwelling, due to smoke inhalation and burns. Thankfully, no one else was hurt, but I am sad for Anne’s sons and Anne herself. I know that I’ve read a lot of backlashes, and well, hate and contempt for Anne. Anytime I don’t know someone famous, other than through their acting and movies, I try to read about their lives. If you read the many articles I read, you might not feel so harsh and angry…because, realistically, only God can judge…
Anne was domestically abused as a child: physical, emotional, verbal, sexual — ALL OF IT. She didn’t admit to it until later in her adult life, but that would explain her seeking out love through multiple relationships, both male and female. She wanted love and acceptance because she ultimately couldn’t accept herself. Her movie persona was big, but that was not who she really was.
A few of Anne’s adult relationships were abusive and controlling, specifically the one with Ellen Degeneres. Degeneres was reportedly very controlling with how Anne was dressed, photographed, and cast. Poor Anne…she was going from one controlling relationship to another. She never truly got to be herself. Anne had two sons, with different men from relationships following the one she had with Degeneres. She took lesser jobs after Degeneres because she got “railroaded” in Hollywood. She still graciously took them so she could spend more time with her sons and loved ones. She also directed and was a screenwriter in later years.
In August 2022, Anne reportedly lost control of her vehicle due to being under the influence of cocaine and fentanyl. After what I read about the abuse that she endured and her constant need for approval and love, I found out that her most recent relationship had broken up suddenly. If I was a betting person, I would wager she got “high” to not think about the deep hurt she was going through. She wanted to numb herself to her feelings of heartbreak. I’m not excusing it, I am just stating what I feel happened. It makes me sad that she did not have the support system available — maybe she did, but she perhaps didn’t realize it.
Please know that I am not making excuses for Anne Heche, but I understand her concerning abuse and love-seeking. I remember laying in bed for two months and crying, even though my abuser beat me and was put out of the house on a protective order. I remember wanting to rush back and just be “cared for” again, even though he really wasn’t caring and it was in theory only. She wasn’t co-dependent on substances, folks, she was a relationship co-dependent. She was hurt in a way that no love could fill, no matter how hard she tried or how many relationships she was in. My heart truly aches for her.
And, please, always be kind. You never know what battles others are fighting. Again, back to that love thy neighbor thing. Love and light!
UPDATE: Trauma-bonding, is what I was speaking of and it can happen by proxy — where a person is trying to fill a void that they had early on in their lives. I am NOT a licensed therapist, these are just MY thoughts and feelings.