The Notebook

No, I am not referring to the lovey-dovey, sappy movie with Ryan Gosling. I’m referring to the pages of admission of Brian Laundrie, boyfriend and murderer of Gabby Petito. The FBI recently released them for the world to see. These are the last “thoughts” of Brian Laundrie. I’ve italicized them below for your reading [dis]pleasure:

“Gabby, I wish I was right at your side, I wish I could be talking to you right now. I’d be going through every memory we made, getting even more excited for the future. But [we] lost our future. I can’t [live] without you. I’ve lost every day we [could’ve] spent together, every holiday. I’ll never get to play with [illegible] again. Never go hiking with TJ. I loved you more than anything. I can’t bear to look at our photos, to recall great times because it is why I cannot go on. When I close my eyes, I will think of laughing on the roof of the van, falling asleep to the sight of [illegible] at the crystal geyser. I will always love you.”

“If you were reading Gabs’ journal, looking at photos from our life together, flipping through old cards you wouldn’t want to live a day without her. Knowing that everyday you’ll wake up without her, you wouldn’t want to wake up. I’m sorry to everyone this will affect, Gabby was the love of my life, but I know [adored] by many. I’m so very sorry to her family because I love them. I’d [consider] her younger siblings my best of friends… I am sorry to my family, this [is] a shock to them as well a terrible grief.”

“They loved as much, if not more than me. A new daughter to my mother, an aunt to my nephews. Please do not make this harder for them, this [occurred] as an unexpected tragedy. Rushing back to our car trying to cross the streams of [illegible] before it got too dark to see, too cold. I hear a splash and a scream. I could barely see. I couldn’t find her for a moment, shouted her name. I found her breathing heavily, gasping [illegible.] She was freezing cold. [Illegible] the blazing hot national parks in Utah.”

“The temperature had dropped to freezing and she was soaking wet. I carried her as far as I could from the stream toward the car, stumbling, exhausted in shock, when my [illegible] and knew I couldn’t safely carry her. I started a fire and spooned her as close to the heat. She was so thin, had already been freezing too long. I couldn’t at the time realize that I should’ve started a fire first but I wanted her out of the cold back to the car. From where I started the fire I had no idea how far the car might be, only knew it was across the creek.”

“When I pulled Gabby out of the water, she couldn’t tell me what hurt. She had a small [bump] on her forehead that [eventually] got larger. Her feet hurt, her [wrist] hurt but she was freezing, shaking violently. While carrying her she continually made sounds of pain. Laying next to her she said little, [lapsing] between violent shakes, gasping in pain, begging for an end to her pain. She would fall asleep and I would shake her awake, fearing she shouldn’t close her eyes if she had a concussion.”

“She would wake in pain, start her whole painful cycle again [illegible] furious that I was the one waking her. She wouldn’t let me try to cross the creek, thought like me that the fire would go out in her sleep and she’d freeze. I don’t know the extend of Gabby’s injuries, only that she was in extreme pain. I ended her life, I thought it was merciful, that it is what she wanted but I see now all the mistakes I made. I panicked, I was in shock. But from the moment I decided, took away her pain, I knew I couldn’t go on without her.”

“I rushed home to spend any time I had left with my family. I wanted to drive north and let James or TJ kill me but I wouldn’t want them to spend time in jail over my mistake, even though I’m sure they would have liked to. I am ending my life not because of a fear of punishment but rather because I can’t stand to live another day without her. I’ve lost our whole future together, every moment we could have [shared.] I’m sorry for everyone’s loss. Please do not make life harder for my family, they lost a son and a daughter. The most wonderful girl in the world. Gabby I’m sorry.”

“I have killed myself by this creek in the hopes that animals may tear me apart. That it may make some of her family happy.”

“Please pick up all of my things. Gabby hated people who litter.”

– Brian laundrie

This made me sick to my stomach. He admitted to a “mercy killing,” not actually what had happened. This made me KNOW he was a narcissist, not just suspect it. I suppose we will never truly know what happened, but her injuries were consistent with murder: there was a struggle, and she was strangled. Narcissist NEVER tell the truth, only their version of the truth. Even in death, he couldn’t tell the truth. Doesn’t he think God might know what really happened? Then again, Narcissists think they’re God and what they say is Gospel. SMH.

I applauded her Mom for releasing this Tweet on social media, after the notebooks were released. Sadly, their families read them when we, the American public, did:

Gabby’s Mom sees it too…I stand with Nichole Schmidt on this one. I knew him to be a Narcissist as soon as I saw the police stop video. The injuries Brian described, were totally treatable…he was just easing his conscious, thinking he’d look like less of a monster…that couldn’t be further from the truth…

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