I’m So Broke, My Mental Breakdown is on Layaway…

I’m completely sick of living paycheck to paycheck. I have been on financial survival mode since I’ve been an adult. Prior to meeting and marrying my abuser, I had money and saved money. Now, I have squatters that live with me, I mean tenants, I mean children…whatever, you get my meaning! I must love them, because it’s expensive to keep them, especially the teenage one!

I’ve been thankful, to an extent, for being broke as it made me creative and frugal. However, having money comes in handy for, say, emergencies. My current emergency? My stove died. The burners still work, but the digital back panel doesn’t, which turns on the oven part. Sheesh. I need a new lawnmower too (having to currently use a weed-eater to knock down the tall grass), and my vacuum is on it’s last legs — mainly like a shop-vac…ugh…

I really need to find an additional part-time job that will work with my full-time job and my family’s schedule. Currently, I’m considering plasma donation — not even kidding. I don’t mind working hard, but it’s difficult to shake the financial woes. I could totally make it comfortably on my earnings, but in order to escape abuse and survive, I had to file a bankruptcy. I have two and a half more years to go on this bankruptcy and it takes half of my income each month! I keep reminding myself that the peace is worth it…because it TRULY is!

I also try not to slip back into thinking about how financially easy my Ex has it now. Pays no child support. Lives in his significant other’s house. No responsibilities. I love the peace, but I have to hustle harder than I ever have before to maintain it. Honestly, I am ranting a bit because I am tired. But know this…I will NEVER trade it to go back into active abuse ever. That is why I keep grumbling and pushing forward…he is now someone else’s problem…and may the good Lord help them…

I’ll have a breakdown later…I currently don’t have the time nor the funds…

Love and light! <3

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