I didn’t want to rain on anyone’s Mother’s Day, so I’m publishing this the DAY AFTER Mother’s Day, LOL. Just a remembrance of a past Mother’s Day AFTER the last domestic incident and we were free of each other. I had dropped the no-contact order in 2019, so I could co-parent with him, in the best interest of our youngest child. The Ex had gotten into a motorcycle wreck and his leg had to be amputated, so the reality of him coming after me (and me not out running him), was pretty slim to none. He got him every other weekend, and one time during the week (that he rarely took advantage of). He didn’t want to have to get him to school the next morning, if he got him during the week. *Shrugs*
The week before Mother’s Day, I realized that his weekend was Mother’s Day weekend. I do my utmost not to speak with the Ex, so here’s how our text conversation went:
Me: “Hey, Mother’s Day is this weekend. Mind if we switch weekends?”
Him: “Yes, I mind. You don’t let me see him very often.” (Lie #1, because I pretty much let our child go over there whenever he asked, which wasn’t often).
Me: “I understand. I realize I have him more than you do, but I wanted to spend Mother’s Day with all of the kids. How about if I let you have him three weekends in a row? I checked and Father’s Day weekend is your weekend, so no worries there. I’d trade with you, if that weren’t the case.”
Him: “No, I want him this weekend. Every day is Mother’s Day for you.”
Because he had an attorney and I didn’t, I didn’t push the issue. My youngest came home that Sunday madder than a hornet. When we started back with him going to his Dad’s, I told my youngest that he didn’t have to tell me what went on, unless he wanted to (I wasn’t going to ask). The only exception was that he had to tell me if his Dad ever put him into a dangerous situation. I also made sure he had a cell phone and told him to call me, no matter what, if he needed me.
Son: “Mom, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you your Mother’s Day present!” (He was nearly to tears.)
Me: “It’s okay, Sweetie. It was time to be with your Dad. No worries!”
Son: “We didn’t even DO ANYTHING. We watched a movie he picked, he cooked stir fry and it was nasty, and he spent the entire time texting to other girls. Sorry, Mom. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’M PISSED!”
I hugged him. “I know, babe.” It’s OKAY.”
Narcissists never change, this one especially — despite having a near death experience and me being the one to drop the ‘No-Contact’ order. They always want control. He could’ve done all those things by himself, but wanted to keep the child away from me on Mother’s Day to teach me the endless lessons I was supposed to learn. Now, my youngest doesn’t have to make that difficult choice. My Ex moved three states away and only reaches out rarely to them. I hate that they have little contact with their Dad, but it’s the way he wants it and they remember how he is. They’re also reminded when they do have some contact with him, as he doesn’t hold back.
For those of you all that STILL have to co-parent with a narcissist, you have my sympathies and prayers. ‘Meh’ is a great place to be, actually…it’s a place where he can no longer hurt me. It’s being apathetic to the Narcissist and no longer feeling love or hate for that person. That in itself is a WONDERFUL gift. I pray you all achieve ‘Meh’ soon…it’s peaceful in ‘Meh!’