Moms on Forgiveness…

My Mom has been fighting ovarian cancer since 2017. She doesn’t have long and she is fully aware. She’s survived it once, it came back with a vengeance, and she nearly died last year. It’s infused in her bones and organs – this is a tough subject for me, but I am coming to terms with it. She is preparing, I’m heartbroken to say, to die.

When my family visited at Easter, she told me she’s been doing preparatory steps with her priest. She got to go to a special healing mass and hold a holy relic. She’s taking steps to work through anything keeping her bound to Earth in a negative way. I’m proud to say, she got to see and hold and play with her great-grandson. He smiles at her weekly on the Facetime calls. That in itself is a blessing…

When we were talking, she told me she was having trouble forgiving. This puzzled me, as she is one of the sweetest, most forgiving people I know. She does not hold grudges, never has.

“Who are you having trouble forgiving, Mom?” I asked

“Your Ex. I am having a really hard time forgiving him for what he’s done.”

I was surprised at the abruptness, but not her feelings. He abused her oldest daughter for over twenty-three years. I understand, but also didn’t want her taking that up as her burden.

“Mom, I don’t know if I have totally forgiven him, but I know it’s a process. I no longer hate him, but I would NEVER trust him.” I assured her. “It’s not your fight anymore.”

My Mom looked at me. “He nearly killed you, Laura Ellen. He knew exactly what he was doing and I just cannot seem to forgive him for that.”

Again, I couldn’t fault her logic, but I told her she is going to have to find some way to forgive him. She agreed, but really wasn’t sure how she was going to accomplish it. She then sent a video link to my email, asking me to watch it later, when I was alone. She said it helped her understanding of what forgiveness is and is not. I posted it above to share with my readers. It’s REALLY a great explanation, regardless of your religion. Please watch, if you’re so inclined.

As for me, I have to forgive my abuser incrementally. Once I let go of something, it is forever gone and my chain is unbound one link at a time. I make people aware of what went on, so they don’t feel so alone, or simply to know what abuse can look like. Once it is spoken, it no longer has a hold on me. That’s all I know to do. My therapist stated that it was a good process and analogy! I hope it helps…from one Mom to another.

Happy Mother’s Day! Do NOT allow your abuser and “baby daddy” to ruin this for you by allowing you to think you’re only allowed to celebrate this day because “they” made you a mother. Motherhood isn’t simply the act of bearing a child, it is SO much more than that — it is the love and care that is put in and necessary to keep said child loved and safe and healthy. It is also tough love and acceptance, the setting of boundaries, and forgiveness of wrongs. Just. Celebrate. YOU! You’re an awesome Mom (or Dad, if Mom no longer is in the picture)!

Love and light! <3

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