The mission of the Narcissist is to make you out to be the most horrible human imaginable and they the victim. Laughable, right? Yes, but totally expected.
A few months after I got away from my abuser, I had friends urging me to get out and date. I thought that was a horrible idea, but I did go on some dates and was horrified, yet really intrigued about how the men that I met for coffee or dinner, described their former partners.
A few were like, “We couldn’t get along, it just didn’t work out.” However, sadly, more were:
“She’s a crazy, psycho bitch!”
I was taken aback! Were there really THAT many crazy women in my town? At this time, I also started hearing feedback from friends and family about my Ex and what he was saying, which was basically the same thing. Hmmmm, I wonder…he had younger women on the back of his motorcycle within a week. I can tell exactly where I fit in within his life. Honestly, the smear campaign was expected.
I then began to wonder how many of these women were cast aside because these men got too comfortable and “bored.” How many of them had to get confrontational about the relationship because their men were talking to other women? Had they had to get vocal about being paid attention to? Is that what makes a woman “crazy?” I really started getting suspicious and half-way wanted to talk to these women and see just what the heck happened. Usually, I was a one-date wonder. This statement became a red flag to me VERY quickly.
I really think you can tell A LOT about a man in the way they describe their exes. My boyfriend actually has a lot of good to say about his ex-wife, despite them wanting different things toward the end of their marriage. They started out wanting the same things, but things somehow changed. I can respect that so much! They still talk, but only for the sake of their children or grandchild. He has continually said he was ready to be married to her for life. He also took care of his mother until she passed away. Men like this are truly rare. They respect their women and I feel blessed and awed.
I feel that this respect is seen and felt by their daughters and shows these young women what to expect from their significant others. I am blown away. Men, if you’re single and dating, please do future dates a solid and don’t dis your exes. If we are intrigued enough to get to know you, the real story will come out eventually. Also, we are minimizing your existence, simply by not talking about you as much as possible. Most of us like looking toward the future, not the past, especially where abuse is involved.