I read so that the little lightbulb in my head goes off. When you read and research excessively, the light goes off, the electrical circuit gets hot, and there are connections.
I have a TBI, so sometimes my thinking gets skewed. I read to make sense of the world and to learn more about the abuse that happened to me, the why’s, the how’s, and how to heal from it all. The more I learn, the more I arm my self with the weapon of knowledge and protect myself with armor of truth.
I got my TBI through the physical abuse I endured, where I had multiple untreated concussions and blood pooled in my brain. My abuser punched me, beat my head into the ground, choked me — all of which I dealt with on my own, in silence.
I used to be so sharp, with a high IQ… *sigh* I try to combat my bad brain days with reading, sudoku, music, and good conversation.
Some days, I don’t have good brain days. I cannot concentrate, I cannot sometimes speak in complete sentences or think of words that I need. I get headaches and stutter a bit. It’s torturous!
I am no longer in fear of my life, but I get so frustrated. Somedays my bad brain day(s) make me slightly wished my abuser finished the job. I am no longer the sharp person I was and it bothers me greatly.
However, I have learned to be patient and kind with myself. I have learned that I am precious and I very nearly did lose my life. I saw the light and had to continue moving forward. That was my only option when living in abuse, and its the only option now! Love and light!