Dear Darling Self,
I should start off this letter by saying that I should’ve been kinder to you a LONG, LONG time ago, but I feel like I’m doing better in the self-care and boundaries department currently. I am also circling back to state how proud I am of you for constantly staying out of your comfort zone, to keep growing and healing from domestic abuse. That’s not an easy feat! You’re rocking it now, girl!
I know we used to be passive and agreeable – we had to become that way to appease the Beast; however, I know how damned hard it was to stand up, to say “that’s not right” and “hell, no!” Those are some of the hardest things to say, to be honest. It’s so much easier to say, “Sure!” and “Of course!” in order to keep the peace. We discovered thatwasn’t really keeping the peace, was it? It was inhibiting us in setting boundaries. It was enabling our Abuser to keep on abusing and finding new ways to torture us. Making that new declaration of disagreeance…drawing that line in the sand…you know what that meant??? It meant that little flame of independence still burned and our pilot light hadn’t fizzled out! YESSSSSS! *Happy dancing*
We both learned that NO growth occurs in the “comfort zone.” We learned that we were, in fact, sharks and had to keep moving in order to survive! We learned that the only person that we need to love us was ourselves. That self-love and respect would keep good things coming our way – or, at least, make the hard stuff bearable!
You further kept moving out of that comfortable area by attending court and by continuing to file and writing those multiple police reports. I know that was hard also, because I remember you curled up into a human ball, while in the bathroom, sobbing. You were afraid and bewildered…but you proceeded with those things anyway. You were making a stand and I’m fiercely proud of you!
And even though you still struggle, to recover from that awful few decades of your life, you’re still a HUGE lottery winner: the lottery of freedom! I love you and want the best for you! Keep shining “bright like a diamond” and keep fighting for those who succumbed to DV and for those who still need help. Continue to be their voice and their inspiration, dear one. You, madam, are a badass and owe no one any apologies for how you had to survive. Now is a time of healing and renewal. SOAK. THAT. SHIT. IN.
Me <3 (AKA Your BIGGEST Fan)