When you’re in the midst of an abusive relationship, the word “enough” will come into play if you’re considering getting out. So, it will come to you and motivate you in one of two ways:
- I am enough! OR
- I’ve had enough!
For the I am enough crowd, please always know that you ARE enough and that God did not design you to be abused and mistreated. No one was given the right to bully another. You are wonderful, just as you are! You don’t deserve that treatment and you will be fine on your own. We don’t need another person to complete us, because we are already “complete” beings on our own and were never incomplete or partial to begin with. We have to learn to grow and care for ourselves and take care of ourselves and our dependents (if applicable). You were “fearfully and wonderfully,” made, according to Psalms 139, so know God doesn’t make mistakes and you were NOT a “factory second” for another person to control and mold and correct — our parents already helped to mold and guide us as children. Just know that people are put into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Your relationship partner is serving as an example to you of how NOT to be! You. Are. Enough!
For the I’ve had enough crowd, you will reach your saturation level. You WILL know when you’ve truly had enough and can take NO MORE. You are a child of God, so God does not condone abuse. I was always fearful, when married to my Abuser, that God would turn away from me, because I didn’t stay married. However, as the abuse got worse and worse, I knew that I would end up dead and my Abuser would be a murderer, as well as my children being tormented followed by the possibility of becoming orphans — what kind of a mother allows that?, I thought. Church elders always had told me that God hated divorce, and divorcing made it to where I couldn’t take communion ever again. It does NOT, in fact, say that. What it does say, in Psalm 11:5, is “the Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.” Basically, the abuse nulls and voids that marriage covenant. The other person is in the Lord’s disfavor, not you. You must then be brave and embrace how sacred you are held by Heaven and leave, taking yourself to safety and to those who care for you, especially if there are children involved. That barometer, that pressure valve was installed for a reason.
However, once you have decided that you’ve had enough, you have to follow it all the way through. This means cutting off contact completely. This means not falling for lies or deceit that the abuser states to get you lured back. This means putting legal and safety measures into place. You know how this is going to go, if you return, which is usually worse when the facade wears off. You go the distance when you have truly had enough. Abusers don’t expect diligence from victims, as they can usually wear us down. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…probably the only appropriate time in a person’s life where they’re allowed to play “devil’s advocate.” A victim must try to think ahead on what vile things that abuser might try, to trip us up, calling on God for strength and clear thought. Being resolute takes tenacity.
Where are you on the enough scale? I hope, those who have had enough, eventually realize that they are enough — especially now that they’re away from the millstone that was dragging them and their quality of life down. Either way, I wish you enough peace and safety! <3