One very, very valuable lesson I learned from surviving abuse (actually, I learned many, but I picked the most prominent ONE), was that a narcissist is incapable of loving you…or anyone, really. Once I realized that, my whole attitude about how I felt about myself changed for the better.
I had a very bad self-image, especially when I first got away from my Abuser, for the final time. Why was I so unlovable? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so worthless?
However, after doing quite a bit of research on narcissists, I found out that they are incapable of that bond of love, because it was previously denied them, so they cannot truly have that with or for anyone else. They have gotten by through manipulation of people and circumstances and things, so that “high” of power is what replaces the euphoria of love. WOWZA! *Mind blown*
After I learned that, my whole outlook changed. His “love” never was love, it just looked like what I wanted it to. So, there was nothing wrong with me! I also came to the realization, after he tried to shoot me, that he was trying to replace me with other women. It was at that point where I realized I was more of a thing, a possession, a broken toy that he no longer wanted to play with. I knew I was a human being that had to move forward, so I think all of these realizations let me know that I was done and on the road to healing.
I also healed because I could embrace my uniqueness and that I was ENOUGH, even if there was never anyone else in the picture. I think it’s that defining attitude that makes you attractive to others — when you’ve reached a “self-nirvana” state…I really do think it shows! I was satisfied on my own, but did inadvertently find my soul mate. God literally dropped him in my lap, because I had decided I was done trying to find “the one” and had resigned myself that I’d go on alone — and was totally excited about it. LOL!
Lesson learned. Let God. That is all…