***TRIGGER WARNING!*** References to suicide and social media emotional/verbal abuse.
Last year, I went through a few suicide prevention trainings and bystander intervention trainings, I am happy to report. They were informative and eye opening. I have previously been the person needing help and no one came to help. I don’t want to lose anyone on my watch!
Fast forward to today. I friend many survivors and advocates, so I try to follow and support their pages on social media. This morning, one of my survivor sisters posted that she was posting her parental alienation files for others to carry on her work and committing suicide. WHAAAAAAAAT????? NOOOOOOOOOO! I looked at the time stamp on the initial posting and it was done twenty-three minutes prior and there are already 67 comments!
I immediately tried to call her through Instant Messenger. I reported the post to Facebook, then scanned the comments. Everyone who commented was “praying” for her and “hoping” she wouldn’t do herself in. Are these people INSANE! OMG! I looked at her location and it said she was in West Chester, New York. I tried IM calling her a few more times, then Googled the West Chester Police Dispatch and called them. I mean, it’s life or death here!!! At this point I am panicking!
The dispatcher was VERY kind. Asked my name, phone number, and location. I explain what transpired and he opens up Facebook, after inquiring the name of this woman and how I know her. He confirms that he sees the Facebook post I was referring to. He contacted the appropriate law enforcement jurisdiction, thanked me for reporting promptly, and stating that this was the first that they had heard about this. WHAT!?! Freaking, REALLY!?!
I get back on the Facebook posting, sickened by all of the people “wishing she wouldn’t” and I post asking if anyone had heard from her since the initial post. I also stated that I reported the post to Facebook and called the police. It was then, that the angry mob converged on me…
I had people posting that I’m ruining her parental alienation work and that it wasn’t what she wanted, that I needed to honor her “final wishes.” UH, HELLO!?! There’s a human life in the balance!!! I post that I support her work, but she has to live to carry it on. I post that if anyone lives close by, to please check on her and/or call. The posts keep coming from others, stating that I was as bad as her abusive ex-husband, that I am “deplorable” and I’m destroying all that she’s built. OMFG! SERIOUSLY!?!
I did try to call her a few more times, but no answer. I return posts stating that if she dies, he wins, that her daughters need her alive, that we should be CONCERNED THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE KILLED HERSELF, because all threats have to be taken seriously! I also state that I’m a mandatory reporter and a certified QPR gatekeeper. People then post how mandated reporters like myself are a part of the “machine” (meaning law enforcement and the courts) that caused her to kill herself. They are more concerned that her wishes and files will be squelched. DO YOU ALL HEAR YOURSELVES??? IS NO ONE CONCERNED ABOUT HER AT ALL???
My last post spoke of how the people that are her “friends” are all lemmings and will move onto another cause that they will ultimately do nothing about, except comment and judge. I continued that sending “well wishes” and “praying” for her did nothing to help her and was passive aggressive. I also had to mention that her daughters needed her alive, or they could be severely scarred later and that the media will bury anything she had out there, because she appeared unstable for attempting suicide (and to investigate her death). I feel like that message might have hit home, because no one singled me out again — but Facebook went ahead and took the post down.
I pray that law enforcement intervened. My anxiety is causing me to have heart palpatations because of this…I don’t want any more families to suffer more than they already do…I’m heartsick about this…
Folks, life is too short. If someone threatens suicide or alludes to life being better without them, please, please, please ask questions and talk to them. Cancel plans if you have to. Be there and listen, and get a professional on the phone — through 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You may have to take them to a hospital, if you’re in a more rural setting like I am.
I greatly admired this woman for her work. I know where this woman is in her headspace. She was horribly abused by him in their marriage, so when she gets away from him, he decides to torture her through her kids. I was so there. I wanted to end my life. I get it entirely. I didn’t carry through because I wasn’t sure what would happen to my kids; plus, I was damned if my Ex was going to win. Failure became not an option for me! I decided to live because I had the right to, happily, and partially due to spite him.
However, not everyone gains the insight that I did, so I became frantic for her. I am totally floored that I was the ONLY ONE who called the police??? People never fail to disappoint, but I would’ve thought at least a few people would have called. And to be attacked at the mere suggestion of checking on her well-being??? WHAAAAT??? People have become so lazy and self-centered. To be scolded for going against her wishes, because they had already accepted her death and written her off. Sickening. Disturbing beyond. All I could reconcile in my brain that the survivors attacking me had turned to anger and spite, instead of unceasing love and compassion. I choose love and kindness, because it was denied to me for so long. Choosing the anger and spite route would have made me stoop to my abuser’s level — I was damned if that was going to happen! I was better than that level of humanity!!!
So, that being said, I now I want to provide suicide prevention trainings which are COMPLETELY FREE…they just require your time: https://samfound.org/programs/educate?gclid=CjwKCAjw1MajBhAcEiwAagW9MQ4V_9iBzNfzddqEVERCAm_G0ryNiAvPeN3OXTmUhUbLFptos_KUTRoCo1AQAvD_BwE