That’s pretty much it…I’m just grateful for basic things that everyday ordinary people take for granted…you see, on April 6, 2023, my Boyfriend’s house caught fire….not just once, but twice…and life just hasn’t been the same since…
I’ve been putting off making this post, but I’ve missed writing and knew I needed to get back to it. We lost literally EVERYTHING. I barely escaped and got smoke inhalation, because I was trying to save our cats. Only two lived. We lost five. Stupid me ran back in, after calling for help, to save the cats. I almost met my Mother, had I stayed in there 60 more seconds. The fire later rekindled and just about collapsed the ceiling down on my Honey. Stuff can be replaced, ultimately, but he CANNOT! It took me most of my adult life and enduring A LOT of torture before I was able to meet him! I thank God everyday that he wasn’t hurt or killed!
I haven’t written because I am helping to rebuild. I haven’t written because I am exhausted, worried, stressed, and guilt-ridden. ‘What Ifs’ like to rear their ugly head and cloud good judgement. My basket of clothes started the fire, from an electrical short…I wasn’t able to save all of our pets…what was lost that was ALL of my Boyfriend’s possessions and just some of mine…I wouldn’t ever wish this level of devastation and destruction on ANYONE, not even my Ex Abuser. It’s one thing watching a neighborhood home burn and feeling bad. It’s entirely something else watching your own things being destroyed..it’s a helplessness I cannot put into words.
I always have prayed whenever I’ve seen an ambulance or fire truck speeding by to get to the destination of the current emergency…I will forever do that. I will ALWAYS donate to our local volunteer fire departments whenever they are at local four-way stops in the summer…I usually did, but sometimes didn’t and got annoyed that it was making traffic take A LOT longer when others were donating. I will donate regularly to the Red Cross…they helped us out SO much! They were a bright light in the darkness of smoke and ruin.
I lost all of my current clothes, jewelry, shoes, perfumes, a few trinkets left by my Mom, my two digital cameras, my laptop, my Beats headphones, my autographed concert pictures, and some unread books. It seems meager, but it’s a lot because it was mine. I thought my stuff was safe, as I had been out of abuse for over five years, so no one was breaking it or taking it away or throwing it out. I am upset about it, but then again I’ve started over so many times, I have become numb to it — as if it’s some sort of cyclic ritual everyone goes through, on a regular basis. I then realized that had been in what seemed one continuous turmoil, as an abused woman, that I have learned that transition and disappointment were just a part of life! What made it worse and sickening for me was that my Boyfriend is truly grieving his home and possessions, while I was steeling myself for another “do over” sesh…THAT made me grieve, grieve for his grieving, but not my own. I had to explain that to him, but I’m sad to say that he doesn’t understand — because he hasn’t been through what I have, and I totally understand. I really wished I didn’t have this dark prospective, but it has helped me to compartmentalize my grief.
So, please be safe out there. If you can, work fire safety checks and plans into your routine, as well as making sure everything is properly insured. And hug your loved ones often!
Love and light!