I used to not be able to say no. When I was in active abuse, “no” was not in my vocabulary very often. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, wanted to be a “team player,” and wanted to ultimate be “Wonder Woman.” I was the “go to” girl, but for the all wrong reasons. People completely abused my generosity and mistook my kindness for weakness!
Now, is a different story completely. I’ve learned creative ways to say no, but still have been saying it more and more. Now, you might hear me say things like:
- Apologies, but I don’t have the resources.
- I’m unable to do that at this time.
- That doesn’t line up with my to do list…sorry!
- I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request…
Getting from being the “yes girl” to the “no-can-do girl,” was quite the journey. I’ve had SO many of my own issues neglected and no self-direction to speak of. I used to constantly “fight fires,” instead of dealing with my own issues. Not being able to set boundaries can lead to several unhealthy issues and derail you greatly. I have too many things that I need to accomplish and want to accomplish, in order to be successful. Sometimes avoidance of certain people or cutting negative people out completely, makes things go further, faster! I’ve had to go as far as asking myself, “does this person pay my bills?” or “will they survive if I don’t help them?” or “can I give them another avenue to turn, because I simply cannot help.” Those questions now guide my life.
Setting boundaries is not easy, nor is it glamorous. People do not like hearing “no, figure it out on your own.” However, I had heard that so much, I learned to solve my own issues or do without. I actually find it an acceptable challenge to see how I can do things on my own or live without the item needed. I don’t want to be beholden to anyone, for them to have something to hold over me.