I have a funny story that goes back to high school. It was during the end of my Junior year in high school, which was at the very beginning of the 1990’s.

I discovered a certain kind of underwear: thong underwear. I had bought myself a few pair, but every time my mother found them, she’d throw them away in disgust. However, I still had one pair left, that I kept for my upcoming campaign.

I was running for Senior Class Secretary. I had picked out a lovely pink top and a matching ankle length skirt. I planned on wearing a thong and sheer control top hose, for no panty line and a sleek look. My Mom always insisted I wear a slip under my skirt, but I found those itchy and uncomfortable. That morning, I just told her I was wearing one, when she reminded me. I was about to be oh-so-sorry that day that I lied to my Mother…

I went to school anxious about giving my speech. Finally, it was time for student campaign speeches. As we were standing in line outside the auditorium stage, I had the sudden urge to pee…I have a nervous bladder, so I was supposed to go on stage after the two people in front of me. I had a fellow student hold my speech index cards, so I could make a quick pit stop!

I left to run to the ladies room to “go.” I ran there, did my business, tried to smooth everything out, stopped to take a look at myself in the mirror, and ran to get back into line. While I was standing there, waiting my turn, no one told me what my backside looked like…I just stood there flipping through my 3 X5″ cards, going over my speech.

Unbeknownst to me, I had inadvertantly tucked my skirt into the back of my sheer pantyhose. No one said ANYTHING to me about me standing there with my literal ass hanging out. I never heard any laughing or ridicule, so I never felt self-conscious.

I walked out on stage, after being introduced, and stood behind the safety of the podium. I took a deep breath and recited my speech, doing very well. The other candidates said NOTHING about my predicament. NOT. A. DAMNED. THING! As I finished, I turned around to sit down and the auditorium came alive with a roar, which made me think they were cheering for me. It wasn’t until the speeches were over and my best friend came to see me, that she fixed the back of my skirt, scolding me the entire time. I was mortified! It was the end of the school day, so we left quickly.

The next day, I told my Mom I was sick, but she made me go to school anyway (she knew nothing about what happened). She told me it was just nerves about the election. I went to school, in jeans and a blouse. We did the voting during lunch, but I was too nervous to eat. I walked to the front of the lunchroom to cast my vote, and got some cat calls as I walked up there and back. I was so pissed and embarrassed.

A guy friend was standing talking to my other [girl] friends waiting for me, as they had already cast their votes. They all stood and chatted with him, as I walked up. He turned to acknowledge me first.

“I voted for you, Laura,” he said, rubbing my arm affectionately. This guy was a brother-type friend, so I smiled at him.


He then dropped his eyes and cleared his throat. He leaned in toward me and in a low voice he said, “Also, nice ass! Wow, five star.”

He subsequently got punched in the arm. My [girl] friends all laughed at him, as he rubbed his arm. Needless to say, however nice my posterior was, I still didn’t win the Senior Class Secretary position. I also have never attended a class reunion.