Well, I hope you enjoyed my DV abuse synopsis in “Star Wars” fashion…
Once out of abuse, I began therapy. My first therapist was awesome, but only a placement manager. She placed me with a kind, but a lackluster second therapist. I had to re-explain myself with every meeting, not progressing AT ALL. She was next door to the therapist that my young son was going through his sessions with, while I went to mine. His therapist wanted to pull me into additional sessions and blame me for allowing him to play video games and not deal with reality. What? We just survived with our lives. Can we get on the same page PLEASE? Needless to say, I stopped utilizing that therapy agency. I felt no progress with them, only frustration, guilt and shame.
I switched on another agency that was just as overbooked as the other one but managed to take us both on. I requested a female therapist, but all they had was Paul. Paul was very kind and trauma-informed, so I decided to give it a go. It was the only other option in my small, rural Indiana town. Our sessions were good for a while and we had some good talks until he told me that we needed to get into the abuses that I endured from my Abuser. He even coached me on how to tell my story at a meeting at the local high school that I had to do on behalf of the County Prosecutor’s office.
At my next session, I had to apologize to him. “Sorry, Paul,” I began. “I cannot go into detail about what another man has done to me. You’re a man and that doesn’t feel safe to me. Some of it is sexual.”
I felt terrible and like I hadn’t exactly stated that in the best way. I didn’t feel threatened by him personally, only not comfortable because he was male himself. However, Paul nodded and smiled.
“No worries, Laura,” he said. “I understand and respect your position completely. Maybe you would be more comfortable with a female therapist? However, we don’t have any appointments with any of our female staff for like six to eight months.”
I gasped. “Seriously, Paul? What do I do in the meantime?”
In his gentle way, he said, “Journal your thoughts. Since He didn’t let you write, write to your heart’s content. Speak your truth. Tell your story again and again, because you said what you did for the Prosecutor’s office was helpful. The more you tell your story, the more it will lose its hold over you. As soon as you feel inclined, help other people who have been through what you have. Helping has its way of healing. You’re on your way!”
I have to say, wiser words have never been said. I also met a podcaster at my social services job who told me to contact him, he’d love to record my story. I did just that and the rest is history. In December 2019, I started a Blog, just writing here and there, but the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write!
Since its creation, my Blog has over 1100 followers/subscribers! I have helped two people to freedom, who have reached out to me because of the Blog. My Abuser never let me write, so now I write when I want, about what I want. It has been healing for me to get my story out, in “bite-sized increments,” and healing for others to read it and know they’re not alone! Now embarking on year #4 of this Blog – moving at lightspeed!
This is cheap therapy, for sure! That and I get to help and meet so many! Love and light! <3
TAGS: #UBC, #blogchallenge, #bloghop, #dvsurvivor