Okay, I am not trying to be creepy and awkward, I PROMISE! When you say the phrase, “I see you,” to someone, you are telling me that you see and recognize their efforts. It’s validation. It’s validating that you see all the work that they do and it’s a positive nod to them. It’s also an acknowledgment that we’ve “been there” and that they’re not alone! In light of that, I decide to write a some prose, acknowledging those who have also been in my situation. Single Mom guilt is a real thing!:
Ode to the Mom Who’s Single Because She Went Through Domestic Abuse…
…who wakes up early to worry, do chores, exercise, drink coffee, get kiddos up and fed, and everyone going in a positive direction…because she feels like she has to hustle even harder NOW (despite having done that all along)…I SEE YOU…
…for often arriving to work barely on-time (or even just slightly late), because a child had a melt down, forgot something, or even missed the bus…I SEE YOU…
…who often pulls an all-nighter to finish making a child’s project look pretty, to finish sewing their costume for a school function, or to make the cupcakes for the class (as promised)…I SEE YOU…
…who has to do her job, even going to work sick, and gets penalized for childen’s sick days, snow days without a sitter, field trip ‘chaperone’ days (because “you promised”), and doctor’s appointments, BUT doesn’t take a “mental health day” for herself, for fear of being fired for “missing too much”…I SEE YOU…
…who has to be both parents in spirit, and who simply CANNOT work overtime on “her” weekends (and sometimes on “his”)…I SEE YOU…
…who tries to honor the youngest child’s birthday request of food from either a popular pizza place or chicken restaurant BUT you substitute a fancy, frozen, store-bought, cheese-stuffed-crust pizza or fried chicken (and the appropriate sides) from the deli AND your older children realize and treat you like the traitor you feel like you are…I SEE YOU…
…who goes to a thrift store when your children need clothes, but find out your bank balance is -$17, so you make an appointment for the church’s “free” clothing bank, having a good cry after clothes are secured…I SEE YOU…
…who finds a sale on last year’s model of tennis shoes that your child wants/needs (and thankfully half a size larger than their current shoe size) by locating them in the clearance section of the store. You immediately take them to the cash register before you wake from this dream, so you try to use a student/teacher discount, let the cashier know it’s the child’s birth month for another 10% off, and use a cut-out coupon from the store’s weekly newspaper insert. The cashier looks you up and down then proceeds to call the manager for approval. The manager, who sighs heavily and shifts from foot to foot while you essentially beg to apply all the savings, all the while politely calling them “ma’am” or “sir” while you’re complimenting them while the begging continues. The manager sighs again, citing “okay, just this ONE time” and inputs their key or code to override the machine’s objections, while you thank them profusely…I SEE YOU…
…who helps clean up after a working lunch meeting and takes home the leftovers to feed your kids, not eating anything yourself, so they can have seconds and have full bellies…I SEE YOU…
….that have had to beg the utility company to invoke a payment arrangement to keep the lights on, paying extra on each of the next six month’s bills, successfully complete it, to turn around and have to do it AGAIN…I SEE YOU…
…who cringes when she hears “Geez, Mom, not hotdogs and mac & cheese A-GAIN!”…I SEE YOU…
…who takes on cleaning the dance studio so your child can take dance lessons with their friends, in-trade for paying for lessons you could not possibly afford, cleaning on Sunday afternoons (the only non-workday you have off), for two hours, while said-child take a nap in the lobby…I SEE YOU…
…who finds toys in a thrift store or consignment shop, cleans them up, paints and/or repairs them as necessary, and wraps them very prettily for your child’s birthday or Christmas…I SEE YOU…
…who, on her “off” weekend forgets to eat OR if/when she does, eats over the sink so she does NOT have to do any dishes…I SEE YOU…
…who continues to add clean clothes to ‘Mt. Laundry,’ a large pile of the family’s clothes that live on a lovely chair or piece of exercise equipment, only to dig out just whats needed for that day…because you don’t have the time or energy to properly fold them…I SEE YOU…
…who, on pay day, eagerly goes and gets a legit haircut and style at a salon, thinking she will be able to do that and get all the bills paid, only to have the Ex say, “I didn’t work much this week, so I’ll double child support payments next time,” to which you mentally beat yourself up for the next month because you have to ‘rob Peter to pay Paul’…I SEE YOU…
…who finds a clearance-discounted blouse and immediately puts it in her cart, at the beginning of her grocery shopping trip, only to put it back right before she heads to the checkout, because she feels guilty for being greedy, because her kids need things…I SEE YOU…
…I SEE YOU…because I am you…and there is no shame in your actions…you are rich because your time and attentions are completely on your family…you’re “all in” because your intentions are pure! Keep hustling, Momma! You’re killing it!
– by Laura Moseley (c) 2022