Silent Rage

Is “grocery store rage” a thing??? It’s kind of like “road rage,” only on a smaller scale with smaller, less lethal buggies…

I am really not enraged at the grocery store, per say. I am old enough to get simply and massively annoyed when they rearrange the store. AND for having to wear a mask for over an hour while I shop. I am willing to wear a mask for public health and personal safety reasons, so that’s not the cause of my discontent…

The reason I am easily annoyed and nearly have a panic attack is because of my unresolved trauma. I realized that in my past I had to stay so tense for so damned long, never knowing if I had to fight or flee, that I am easily annoyed and over stimulated. In my married relationship, I was the rock, the provider, the patient one, the fixer. I was the one that kept everything together…and I am SO weary of being vigilant. I was also strangled by him on the regular, to the point of blacking out. That same stifling feeling, in a mask, gives me a panic attack…currently, at the grocery store checkout…I sweat profusely and get annoyed at the smallest things…all to feed my loved ones…

Still being the provider…I’m triggered beyond, but my being the care taker is larger than all that…so, I carry on…

Adulting as a damaged girl is hard. Rant over.

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