***TRIGGER WARNING!*** This post contains references to violence situations.
I was VERY triggered by something this evening. As I was walking out the door to leave to go to my boyfriend’s house, there were five city police cars and one county sheriff’s truck in front of a house about three houses down on the opposite side of the road from me. Blue and red lights were flashing in the dark.
My teen and my son-in-law had been taking out trash and were standing on my front porch staring, with their mouths open, at the scene unfolding.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I was trying to walk past them. The both just pointed, as the fifth city police car was rolling up to that house and behind it the sheriff’s truck with K-9 officer.
Once I saw those blue and red lights, it triggered me and I cringed. That was ME five years ago in September. Police officers rolling up to me trembling in my car, hugging my two Chiweenies, while my then-husband was still inside the house breaking and throwing things. My head was still spinning from receiving the worst beating of my life.
My son-in-law said, “I’d stay and watch, but it’s COLD!” My teenage son nodded his head in agreement.
I shook my head, “Guys, this was us five years ago. PLEASE don’t gawk. Go in the house.” My son-in-law was not in the picture five years ago, so he was puzzled. My teenage son nodded in agreement.
“You’re right, Mom,” my teen said, hugging me. “That was the WORST night.”
I could then see my son-in-law’s face change, as he realized what I was referencing. “Sorry, Mom,” he said. They both went in and closed the door.
I got into my car, where it was in the same position as THAT night…and I started to pray. With tears in my eyes, I prayed for the victims and the perpetrators and the officers at that scene down the street. I did not know what was going on, for that was none of my business. It may not even be a domestic call, due to the presence of the K-9 drug dog, but it could be. I just prayed that everyone was safe and that the scene was contained. It’s all I could do…I was having a hard time breathing, it triggered me so badly. All I could do is pray and drive away from those blue and red lights. Once I could no longer see their flashing, I could start to breathe again. I did have to use my inhaler, to fully breathe though. Stress and cold can cause an asthmatic’s lungs to constrict. Once I did that, I was able to draw a deep, cleansing breath. It felt wonderful!
I haven’t been that triggered in a long time. I was very demure when I got to my boyfriend’s house. I assured him it wasn’t his Aunt and Uncle’s house, who was on the opposite end of the street. I was quiet all evening about it. I probably should’ve shared my feelings, but to be honest I was still processing it, and my boyfriend has a few pending issues that he is enveloped in, so I just processed them on my own. I will talk to him about them soon, I just have to resolved them in my own mind.
Love and light! Peace and blessings! <3