Healing from an abusive relationship is often a challenging and complex journey. Survivors of intimate partner violence violence may face numerous obstacles that can make the healing process difficult. The aftermath of abuse can leave emotional scars, and the path to recovery is not always straightforward. Yet, despite these difficulties, healing is not only possible—it is within reach for every survivor.
One of the reasons that healing from abuse is difficult is the many ways that the trauma of abuse can impact survivors’ lives. Survivors may have a hard time trusting others after someone so close to them has hurt them. They may also face ongoing emotional and psychological challenges such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Another reason healing is difficult is because of the isolating nature of abuse. Abusers often use tactics such as manipulation, gaslighting, and control to isolate victims from friends, family members, and other support networks. This isolation can make it hard for survivors to seek help or feel understood by others. Additionally, survivors may experience feelings of shame and guilt, believing that they are to blame for the abuse (especially if their abusers placed blame on them) or that they should have left sooner.
Financial dependence on an abuser can also complicate the healing process. Many survivors face economic barriers that make it difficult to leave an abusive relationship or to feel financially secure after leaving. Financial instability also can become a barrier to accessing resources such as therapy, legal assistance, and basics like food and housing.
Despite these common challenges, it is important to remember that healing from abuse is possible. Every survivor possesses the strength and resilience to overcome the impact of abuse and rebuild their lives. While the journey may be tough, there is hope and there are pathways to recovery.
At The Source for Survivors, we aim to empower survivors along their healing journey. One way we do this is through our Pathway for Survivors Model, which provides a framework for understanding the process of recovering from past abuse. This model is built around the following 6 Commitments for Survivors:.
1. Commitment to Being Intentional
While time alone may heal some wounds, the most powerful approach to healing and recovering from past abuse for many survivors can be found in an intentional healing process. By committing to being intentional, you can adopt a hope-filled stance (even on days when hope may be hard to find) that a better life is possible. When you adopt a commitment to being intentional, you also can remind and affirm for yourself that healing is possible, even if you can’t see where the full journey ahead will take you.
2. Commitment to Safety
We all deserve to be and to feel physically and emotionally safe in all areas of our lives. If you are a survivor who still faces a threat of harm from your abuser, it can be helpful to build a safety plan with the support of a trained professional. Other ways you can promote your emotional safety during your healing process include building coping strategies, moving at a pace that is comfortable for you, and taking good care of yourself through ongoing self-care.
3. Commitment to a Long-Range Perspective
Healing from abuse can take time. Practice patience while you go through the process. Celebrate short-term successes, while also keeping your long-term growth and healing in mind. Know that your experiences with the trauma of abuse may continue to impact you throughout your life, but this doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you are damaged. Know that you can continue to reach new levels of growth and healing throughout your lifetime.
4. Commitment to Taking Deliberate Steps Forward
At times, it may feel overwhelming to think about all the areas of your life in which abuse has impacted you. You don’t have to work on every single area of life at once. Starting with where you are right now, look at different areas of healing that you’d like to work toward, and begin to develop tactical, practical strategies for taking action in those areas—perhaps even starting with just one area at a time! The steps you might take could include seeking professional support, getting plenty of rest, searching for learning opportunities, and mapping out goals for changing your habits.
5. Commitment to Regular Reflection
Because the healing journey can be so complex, it is wise to put mechanisms in place to help you make time for regular reflection so you can create time to ponder what is working well, what you may want to modify, and what you may want to stop doing altogether. Self-reflection (often aided by professionals, such as a counselor, or your trusted friends or family members) is a valuable tool along the pathway of recovering from past abuse.
6. Commitment to Giving Back (But Only If You Want To!)
Committing to giving back and supporting others who are also on a journey to recovery is always entirely optional for survivors. You’re under no obligation to become an advocate, volunteer, community speaker, or any other sort of helper for others who have faced abuse, just because you’ve had that experience yourself. However, many survivors of past abuse find that helping others is a strong desire that may help them make meaning of their experiences. There are many ways to do this if you’re interested in giving back as part of your healing journey, such as by helping to raise awareness about the dynamics of abuse in your community or online, sharing your story with others, or simply being there for a friend who is facing similar experiences.
Healing from abuse is undoubtedly a difficult journey, but it is one that survivors do not have to walk alone. By committing to these 6 Commitments for Survivors, survivors can find a pathway to recovery that is rooted in intention, safety, long-term perspective, deliberate action, reflection, and community support.
In conclusion, while the path to healing from abuse is filled with challenges, it is also filled with possibilities. Every step taken towards recovery is a testament to each survivor’s strength and resilience. At The Source for Survivors, we are here to offer support and guidance to survivors on this journey. Remember, healing is possible, and a brighter, healthier future is waiting for you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Christine Murray is the Founder of The Source for Survivors, which launched in January 2024 with a mission of offering survivors and the community supports around them an overarching framework and practical tools that foster hope and healing. Christine is also therapist whose primary counseling focus is working with survivors of intimate partner violence and other forms of abusive or toxic relationships. She is the Founder of Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, and she is licensed as a mental health professional in North Carolina and Pennsylvania. In addition to Christine’s professional experiences, she is also a survivor who is also navigating her own long-term healing journey from a past abusive relationship. Portions of this post have been adapted for the DV Walking Wounded Blog from this previous post shared on The Source for Survivors site.
