Today is a squirrelly day. Why? Because it’s my Ex-Abuser’s birthday.

Well, you might think, that no longer affects you.

Oh, but it does.

How? Well, he never put in a change of address, so I still get coupons and “birthday” offers for him. We also still have children together, so I used to remind them to tell their father “happy birthday” (even when we weren’t together).

You know what? I. AM. NOT. DOING. THAT. ANYMORE.

They have Facebook to remind them. They’re grown, or nearly. They can tell him that themselves. Hell, I don’t even remind them when it’s my birthday anymore.

Also, today is “talk like a pirate day,” which is totally appropriate. Pirates were NOT good people, despite how colorfully history has painted them. They raped. They pillaged. They murdered. Sounds about like the Ex…I’m still here to tell the tale, but still. He was no endearing Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yes, I knew today would be hard. Someone that I loved and dedicated my life to has a birthday today and I will always remember it. It’s kind of a mourning day, really. When you love/loved someone, you always want the best for them, even if it’s not you. It’s VERY startling to realize they don’t feel about you that way — in fact, CANNOT feel about you in that way because they’re a narcissist. They simply cannot love or be selfless. It’s a temporary sadness that I cannot quite describe. I always tried to make the day special for him, but it was never special ENOUGH. I guess the sharp pain that I feel is bitter disappointment.

Overall, I’m better off and it feels grand to be free. It’s still hard and it still hurts, even six years after the fact.