I’m going to let you in on little secret, one I still use today…I do things in moderation. It was something that I was taught growing up and perfected while in active abuse. Now I use it still in order to survive having limited money while paying off a bankruptcy.
I was born and raised Catholic, a faith whose mantra is “everything in moderation.” It is how I was raised, which is NOT a bad thing. Also, being with my significant other, who is a sailor, I have also picked up some of his phrases, like “ship-shape” and “A-J-squared-away,” referring to our neat living conditions. We use the term “field day” to refer to deep cleaning. However, we have to do all things in moderation, according to our age and mobility with our ailments. Our budget is in “moderation” mode, as well as our time. Maybe, as we age, we have learned to not be in such a hurry and slow down? I know I have allowed myself to slow down, no longer in active abuse. Used to be, everything, literally everthing, I had to treat as an “emergency,” which is probably why I have the nerve issues I have now. In slowing down, I believe that the pain has manifested more, which has caused me to slow down ever further, so everthing is futher into “moderation mode.”
While in the middle of active abuse, I was limited in what I was allowed — even access to money, so I had to purchase or acquire things in a different way. Most people do this: when they need new sheets, they’ll purchase one or two sets of sheets and coverings. Is that expensive? Yes, it can be, but that’s how most people obtain what is needed. Need new towels? Purchase 10 or more towels, hand towels, and wash cloths, so everything matches and wears evenly. Seems natural. Vacuum died? Replace it. That would definitely be ideal.
How I had to do things: for example, we needed new towels. I initially purchased one thing at a time, trying to choose a common or neutral color. I would then downgrade the towel to a pet towel or to the “rag bag,” where I turned them into rags to be used for deep cleaning or automotive things. I then started buying a towel, hand towel, and a wash cloth at a time. My then-husband always expected us to have nice things, but never wanted to contribute to that improvement. I had to improvise. When the vacuum would stop working, I would mass clean out the item, usually taking it out and deep cleaning it. Many times this would work, but I often would have a backup plan for a replacement vacuum, in the back of my mind. I might also be putting back $5 to $10 that I could spare, in case the regular dismantling and resurrection didn’t work. It didn’t help that my children (showed by my then-spouse), that they used my vacuum like a shopvac.
At one point, I had neglected my own appearance and well-being so much I had underwear that had holes in them or had lost elaciticity — I basically needed new undergarments. He would embarrass me and belittle me, but didn’t want to help me out. I really longed for the type of husband that wanted to have fun going out and purchasing undergarments, as a couple, and actually buying them for me — but not HIM. I also needed new underwear that fit as I was losing weight. I decided to purchase one or two pairs every payday (every two weeks). I tried on underwear OVER leggings, to decide on which style I liked, then purchased one pack every payday. I chose the “no muffin top” underwear, which was much more flattering, to be honest. So, every payday, I’d go spend $12 on a three-pack of underwear, before I did anything else, with the plan of eventually having 20 pairs. I would then only buy undies when one wore out, in order to replace it AND keeps costs down. As far as bras were concerned, those were a much more expensive endeavor. I found sports bras to be beneficial and less expensive, so I would buy one or two of those. I also found them at Goodwill, so I could buy 3 or 4 at a time instead. I would have one or good solid bra for dress-up occassions, but otherwise I STILL live in sports bras.
I treat clothing the same way, especially since we had a fire a little over a year ago. I will go to Goodwill and purchase myself an outfit each payday. This prompts me to go through my closet and get rid of something by donating it, as well as see if anything needs repair. I think Marie Kondo might be a little proud. As an older adult, I am trying to streamline my belongings, at the same time deep cleaning. There is nothing wrong with being regimented.
Cleaning is also very much treated in this way also. I try to have a regular daily and weekly routine for things. There are things that I try to accomplish in the morning before work, which will help me when I get home to fix dinner, sometimes having to put groceries away first. I also try to deep clean one room at a time, at different times, as my time and physical limitations allow. I clean out the refridgerator the night before garbage day. I always had my children clean out their rooms before Christmas, other wise Santa couldn’t bring more toys and goodies. We donated those items to Goodwill. I’d also do that through the holidays, to clean out items and purge the “old” so the “new” and “positive” could come in with the New Year.
Why am I telling you this, you might be wondering? Well, I perfected the “moderation method” while in active abuse, out of necessity and survival. I am using it, still, to survive even now. Moderation can be used for anything and everything: personal online training a little bit every day, results in gradual education. Reading 30 minutes per day can lead you to reading over 30 books per year, instead of having a readathon over a few days (and neglecting duties). Coming in 30 minutes early to knock out a large project will result in a finished or significantly reduced undertaking (and maybe a little overtime pay too!). A little progress is still progress. A person has to take things in “bite-sized increments,” for them. What is bite-sized for one person may need to be cut down further for you. Moving forward is moving forward, despite how quickly. Not comparing yourself to others is also in this “moderation method” of mine — you MUST be kind to yourself!
The “moderation method” is much like the zen art of stacking rocks. Some rocks don’t stack, so you exchange them for other rocks. You turn them and fit them so that they don’t move and stay balanced. You do this slowly and precisely, until you’re satisfied.
