Another amazing music artist reached out to me and I am blown away with her music! “Brave Girl” really hits home for survivors! YouTube video link of this incredible song is at the center of the blog post! Give that a listen FIRST!
Laura: Please tell a little about yourself, such as where you are from, your likes and dislikes, and some professional background?
Rhonda: I grew up on a cattle/grain/3-acre strawberry farm in southern Manitoba, Canada.
I was raised in a Christian home and attended church, girls groups, youth groups within our church. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior at the age of nine, while watching the PTL Club, and was baptized at age fifteen.
Illness has always been part of my life. I was born healthy, but at eighteen months old had meningitis and was hospitalized for one month (in a coma for some of that time). My parents were told that if/when I awoke from the coma I was most likely not going to walk, talk, feed myself, etc. By God’s healing, though , I did recover. However, around the age of two, I was diagnosed with a medical condition and medicated until the age of twenty-two (later learning it had been a mis-diagnosis all along). During elementary school, it was confirmed that I had hearing loss in my right ear (numerous ear surgeries were unsuccessful). At age twenty-six, my one-year-old son and I were diagnosed with a hereditary medical condition. My second son was also diagnosed with the same condition. We have all been on medication and have been working with amazing specialists to maintain a happy life. I’ve had numerous different illnesses and surgeries since, and have been challenged in my identity – I’m not my body, but the person I am, who God made me to be.
I was often bullied by classmates and teachers, and my parents didn’t always have a helpful response. Being mid-medicated, my ability to learn and memorize was hindered, and I found maintaining friendships difficult. I grew up often feeling lonely in being misunderstood or unseen for I really was.
Music has always been a big part of my life. I began taking piano lessons at age six and continued through elementary school and high school. I started writing poetry at around age twelve, music around age fifteen, then started songwriting at age eighteen. Playing piano has been a great therapy.
I graduated from a Christian boarding high school in Saskatchewan, and met my husband Peter in a Bible college in Saskatchewan.
My husband Peter and I have lived in Calgary, Alberta for 24 years and have have two sons – Lee is 25, married to Jeannie, and is a pastor in Saskatchewan, and Adam is 22 and living at home while attending the U of C.
Aside from being a musician I also work a part-time job to support my music ministry.
Likes:
- Living in the prairies and being only an hour from the Alberta Rockies
- Driving and hiking/snowshoeing are my favorite therapies.
- I enjoy coffees and walks with friends and hosting friends for dinner.
- Coffee – Analog Coffee, from Calgary!
- Dark chocolate
- Favorite snack – peanut butter, popcorn with olive oil, or cereal (Frosted Flakes or Cheerios).
- Favorite meal to eat out – breakfast (Nelli’s Diner in Calgary!)
- Wild Rose Beer (from Calgary) or Big Rock Beer (also from Calgary).
- Winter Chinooks! (Chinooks refer to the warm winds that rush down the east side of the Alberta Rocky Mountains. Warm Pacific air travels over the mountains, cooling and losing a lot of moisture. The resulting relatively dry air rushes down the east side, compressing and warming up at a faster rate before blowing into areas, like Calgary, that border the mountains. It’s not uncommon for the temperature to rise 5-30 degrees within hours during a chinook.)
Dislikes:
- Impatient or rude customers who don’t see staff as people (restaurant/store/etc staff are expected to leave their worries and stresses at home when coming to work, and customers should be expected to do the same.)
- The devaluation of music due to streaming and downloading.
- Eggnog
- Mushrooms.
- Seafood
Laura: What prompted you to write and sing this song? Take us through it from start to finish.
Rhonda: “Brave Girl” was a diary song. Having been emotionally and sexually abused in the music industry, I was coming to terms with and admitting my abuse experiences to myself. I kept those experiences quiet and suppressed them to avoid dealing with the trauma, but flashbacks, triggers, and PTSD prompted me to face them. Now that I had, I knew I had to deal with them and it was excruciating. I started weekly counseling and continued for about ten months. It was terrifying, horrific, shameful, and exhausting. I told my husband Peter about the abuse, then my closest friends, and then my boys. As difficult as it was to tell them, we had a better understanding of each other and bonded like never before. It was actually very freeing.
To remind myself to be brave around men, I made myself a bracelet with beaded letters that spelled ‘BRAVE’. I wore it for months, but knew it wasn’t enough to help me heal.
In the summer of 2019, while hiking in our beautiful foothills, I tried to keep my eyes forward to enjoy the views. Being in so much pain, though, I couldn’t and just wept and pleaded with God to heal me. Standing there with the view in front of me, I felt God say “You’ve written plenty of songs for others – go write one for yourself.” I took off my bracelet, walked into the trees, hung my bracelet on a birch tree, and walked on. I took out my phone and started to record a voice memo with words, phrases, and thoughts for a song I’d call “Brave Girl”. It was a song meant only for me, to help myself heal.
While I have spent anywhere from twenty minutes to five days writing my songs, I knew this song would take much longer (how would I write a song about this???) I carried on as a wife, mom, friend, coworker…all while continuing counseling and digging through the mud of healing. Five months later, my song “Brave Girl” was finished.
Thinking about how supportive, patient, and gentle Peter was, and how fortunate I was to have counsel to guide me, I knew “Brave Girl” had to go public. It was very awkward and difficult to reveal that side of myself to my parents, sister, my husband’s family, and my boss, but I knew I had to tell them first. Some responded well (have been good listeners, have been willing to learn about trauma and PTSD, have been patient, gentle, and kind) and some did not (critical, impatient, narcissistic, unwilling to learn or view my experience from my perspective, accusatory). This is now my ongoing challenge.
My album “Brave Girl” was recorded December 2019-August 2020 and released September 30, 2020 on CD, iTunes, Spotify, and Apple Music.
“Brave Girl”, the video, was released on YouTube in November 2020. Watch “Brave Girl” on YouTube, here:
Throughout my healing and since the release of “Brave Girl,” I have realized my story needs to be shared, and there is more to teach about the life of an abuse survivor. It is awkward to talk about, but like anything else, the more I do it the easier it becomes. And, the more willing we are to listen, understand, and learn how to respond, the easier it, too, will become. All in all, survivors will heal that much better and feel more loved, their circle can respond better, and relationships can heal and grow.
I now do interviews for radio, TV, YouTube and podcasts, and speak at functions to share about my experience and healing process, to give encouragement to fellow survivors, and to offer advice to their circle of friends and family. I’m available for women’s groups, girls clubs, mom/daughter functions, fundraisers, church groups, community outreach, and other programs, both in Canada and the USA.
Laura: What do you hope this song accomplishes?
Rhonda: I want abuse survivors to know their worth — you are not what has been done to you, but rather, you are God’s and He sees you as He has made you. You are your beauty, your talents, your gifts, and all that you have to offer. Use those gifts to honor God and be His witness.
Also, there is no hierarchy of trauma or pain. We all arrive here with completely different DNA, upbringing, and experiences, and no two abuse experiences are the same. There is no use in comparing our experiences nor our reactions. Your pain is yours. And I believe you!
And, take all the time you need to heal. Healing isn’t linear. You will have setbacks, and not because you’ve failed, but because trauma requires healing work.
Laura: Do you find music healing? How so?
Rhonda: Yes. Songs like “Permission to be Broken” by my friend Jennifer Jade Kerr, “Storyteller” by Morgan Harper Nicols, and “Goodness of God” by Jenn Johnson, are just some of my favorite songs. Listening to and watching “Brave Girl” has been surprisingly helpful.
And, Scripture, God’s Word, has been my constant healer. “I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lofted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” -Psalm 40:1-3. Jesus is Savior of our souls, but also our Everyday Savior to carry us through every day.
Laura: How can people get in contact with you and/or follow you on social media?
Rhonda: The easiest way to reach me is through my website, www.rhondalouise.net. Please join my email list and feel free to send messages through my Contact page. My social media links and YouTube link are there as well. Visit my Music page for links to iTunes, Spotify, Apple Music, and for CD orders.
Thank you, Rhonda! Thank you for giving encouragement and a voice to survivors! Now, I need to purchase her CD!
