I just adore the image I found to illustrate my blog post! To my abuser, I was “lousy,” but to my boyfriend I am “lovable.” All this was possible by allowing love, true and pure love, to seep in and shatter my walls.
When I was growing up, I was taught the following Bible passage was the true definition of “love:”
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
After my horrible abuse and after I ended my marriage, did I see that it WAS a true test! All a person had to do was to add their loved one’s first name in the place of the word “love” in the passage. If you read it that way and it rings true, then they are the one for you. I tested it with my Abuser’s name and it = FALSE. THIS, this is the true test!
What love looks like for you, is going to definitely differ from others’ relationships. Do yourself a favor and don’t try to keep up with your friends on social media. BFF just got a 2 karat engagement ring? Good for her. It’s probably not real. You all are different people and have to be loved in your own unique ways.
What love looks like to me is this…him respecting my boundaries, understanding what triggers me (like him looking to see if the movie we are going to watch has violence against women), him memorizing my faves and remembering what I like. He makes me coffee. He strokes my hair when I have a night terror and hugs me when I’m frustrated. He messages me during the day, a few times, to make sure I’m okay and that I’ve eaten. He acknowledges my TBI and puts sweet reminders on sticky notes. I love anything and everything he gets me, but he is certain that it’s something I want or need. He even bought me a special deodorant, even though he didn’t think I was stinky, because I was complaining that perimenopause was giving me a strong odor and I was constantly having to put deodorant on like six times per day. That, folks, is love. He is speaking my love language! My Abuser would have NEVER gone to those lengths. He’d leave me be and text another woman secretly. He did NOT have my best interests at heart.
Please NEVER settle and please know that you deserved to be loved in your own special way. Never compare what others receive (if that’s even true) as what you need. Love and light! <3