My daughter, my middle child, shows her sassy, still, to this day. I had to tell you I had a hard time tempering that. I’m sure I was also a handful for my parents, but they did an incredible job! And thank goodness they did…I had no idea how much I’d need that when I was an adult…I nearly lost it and who I was, but I feel as though I’m slowly, but surely, gaining it back.
My Dad always described me as “spirited,” thankfully, instead of as a “brat.” I was a handful. I got good grades in school but talked incessantly. I was hard-headed and stubborn. I was a tomboy. I questioned everything. I was defiant at times and had to learn the hard way. I know it was tough on my parents, but they tempered that. They doled out punishment when they needed to and picked their battles. Oh, how I didn’t know that my “sassiness” would be instrumental in keeping me alive!
While in active abuse, I started to lose my sense of self. However, my sassiness would resurface to help me solve a problem, question why things were the way they were, and intervene in things he wanted me to be ambiguous. I know he would see that crop up again and again and he did his best to dim my lights. When it would massively flare up, I’d get bold and leave, knowing the abuse was wrong and senseless; however, I’d go back. Every. Damned. Time. I’d forgive and we would be back to him trying to squash my sassiness in an attempt to control me.
It’s this stubbornness, however, that is keeping me going, even now. I refuse to give up. I refuse to fail. It saved me when I nearly died. I said, “ENOUGH!” and my pilot light came back on as if someone poured gasoline on it. In September 2017, it’s as if a tanker truck came and spilled on it, causing an explosion! I was scared for myself and my kids, but more scared that he almost killed me and might try again!
I still use my sassiness, although it has tempered a bit with aging. I still don’t give up, I still question things. My advice to everyone who has a willful daughter. Don’t squash her sassy…one day she’s truly going to need it. Just temper her and mold her into an empowered woman. I’m so blessed my parents did!