Be Afraid…Even as an Adult

***VIOLENCE TRIGGER WARNING***

I was going to write a blog post yesterday after work, but while working, my phone started going off with notifications about the shooting at the elementary school in Uvalde, Texas. I couldn’t think, my hands wouldn’t work, I wanted to cry. I apologize, but I was in no condition to post…I barely got any work done…

I was finally able to read more about this tragedy this morning, as I just had to go to bed last night because my body and will just shut down after dinner. I wished I hadn’t read more, but then again I had to humanize these poor victims. All these kids and teacher were trying to do is have fun in the last few school days before summer break…no one deserved this and the country is reeling on how to process this recent, senseless violence.

Violence is always senseless. If the gunman wanted to make a statement, picket his grievances, not kill innocent people. I’ve already seen too much on the news about domestic abusers killing their estranged family, then themselves. I don’t condone suicide, but why do they not just do away with themselves? Why take others with them??? I will NEVER be able to wrap my mind around their thinking: no one else gets to have these people, if I cannot. So the gunman possibly took out these innocents to make people pay attention. Sickening! Selfish!

I’ve always watched and admired Mr. Rogers. I loved how he did not gloss over death, but gently explained how it was okay to be sad and confused about it. He always said, “find a trusted adult.” Wait, I’m the adult and I don’t understand! Whom do the scared adults turn to??? My heart hurts and my head is spinning. My youngest still is in high school…

Here is a link to Mr. Rogers’ explanation on how to respond to difficult current events: https://www.fredrogersinstitute.org/files/resources/7/respondingtodifficultcurrentevents2022.pdf/ Even though Fred Rogers has passed on, I still feel comfort from his words and can almost hear them in his voice, as I read them. I wanted to share.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about becoming “undercover” security while posing as room parents for our grandbabies, when they are old enough to enter primary school. We live in a rural area where the schools STILL are not equipped to deal with armed assailants…hmmmmmm…thankfully, we still have about four years or so to work out details!

While I tend toward worry, I was discussing these feelings with a friend. She states that when she starts to worry about things she cannot control, that she has started asking herself, “BUT, what if everything works out?” She does that because worrying can cause so many health issues and honestly steal joy from living life. Bad things are unfortunate, but all we can do is try to move forward and to do better, as we try to make sense of it all. It’s all we can do…we ARE human…I loved her words of wisdom this morning…thank God for that!

Still, I am fearful for all of this uncertainty in the world and all of the recent senseless violence. I am still full of fear…even as an adult. Please, always check on and hug your loved ones, even on ordinary days! Yesterday started out as just another ordinary school day…

Love and light! <3

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