Today is my Ex Abuser’s birthday. He’s fifty years old. The past few years, he would text me “happy birthday” and I would cordially do the same. I don’t think I’m doing that this year. My past birthday, started another attempt at a back-slide by getting a “Happy Birthday, Babe!” text which kind of tainted my day — yeah, he doesn’t get to do that. He’s lost THAT privledge and I called him on it. His reply? “Oh sorry, LOL, force of habit.” Whatevs. I call BS on that one. He was testing the water with that “slip up.”
Maybe my reasoning is petty, but I personally don’t care. First, he now has a significant other and I don’t think that’s appropriate, even if it’s just simply a “happy birthday” text. That also shows/means that day is still special to me. It’s not. It’s simply “Talk Like a Pirate Day.” That’s all. I treat other people with respect and how I would like to be considered and treated. He’s a chronic cheater and liar, so I know he doesn’t carry THAT in his code of ethics. I also don’t expect his girlfriend to know that or my reasoning. Knowing that I uphold high standards is good enough for me.
Despite what transpired previously between my Ex and I, I always remind my children to text and call their father, out of respect for the fact that he’s the other half of their DNA. I’ve always felt you have to give respect to get it, but let’s be real here — that’ll never happen: he’s a narcissist. SMH.
Not all that long ago, he called all of his children POS’s and said they’re lucky he has anything to do with them. I had to deal with some huge family situations with her, as I am not going to allow my child to be homeless, and he informed her of how stupid and ignorant I, as their mother, is and always have been. He did NOTHING to assist in these two major situations, only criticize. While other people’s opinions of me are NOT my business, NO ONE gets to personally attack my children that way! I will NOT remind them of anything that has to do with him, especially his birthday or Christmas or Fathers’ Day. They’re adults and/or teens and they can remember on their own. I won’t slam him or slander him in front of them, but I also do not have to remind them anymore. Simple as that!
I feel like this is further severing communication, as we limit it only to text convos about our fifteen year old son. Once our youngest has graduated high school (2026, but who’s counting), I will not EVER have to talk to him EVER again, if I don’t wish. NEVER talking to him is still too soon for me. He irrevocably broke me and that fictional person he “was” is dead to me. I choose to move forward, but I don’t have to carry any essence of him with me. Unfortunately, my middle daughter is expecting our first grandchild, but he has told her he wants nothing to do with the “little shit.” She’s desperate for his love, so she will probably re-establish contact at some point, but I. WILL. NOT.